Navigating Healthy Relationships: Red Flags to Watch For and How to Move On with Kindness
I was recently working through the 'Healthy Relationships' unit with my class and was impressed with the questions they were able to come up with on the topic. A theme that I noticed was that teens and young adults are reluctant to acknowledge red flags and, even if they do, they are reluctant to end a relationship with someone. We spend so many years of school hearing 'be nice', 'include everyone', 'share your things with everyone', but not hearing things like 'it's ok to not want to spend time with someone' or 'I can be kind but not have to maintain a relationship with someone who isn't my type of person'. Read below for some advice on what to look out for, knowing when to move on, and how to do so with kindness. And remember, this applies to all relationships: romantic, friends, and sometimes family.
Starting and maintaining relationships can be exciting and sometimes confusing, especially when you're young and still figuring out what feels right. Healthy relationships bring joy, support, and growth, but not all relationships are good for us. Knowing what a healthy relationship looks like and spotting red flags early can save you from unnecessary pain. And when it’s time to move on, doing so with kindness helps everyone heal and grow.
What Healthy Relationships Look Like
Healthy relationships are built on respect, trust, and communication. They don’t have to be perfect, but they should make you feel safe and valued. Here are some key signs of a healthy relationship:
Mutual Respect
Both people listen to each other’s opinions and feelings without judgment. Differences are accepted, not dismissed.
Open Communication
You can talk honestly about your thoughts and feelings. Disagreements happen, but you work through them calmly.
Support and Encouragement
You cheer each other on and help each other grow. Your partner wants the best for you, not just for themselves.
Trust and Honesty
You feel confident that your partner is truthful and reliable. Secrets or lies don’t build a strong foundation.
Independence
You both have your own interests, friends, and space. Being together doesn’t mean losing yourself.
Kindness and Empathy
You treat each other with care and try to understand how the other person feels.
For example, if your friend or partner listens when you’re upset and tries to understand instead of brushing it off, that’s a sign of kindness and respect.
Red Flags You Should Not Ignore
Sometimes, relationships show warning signs that something isn’t right. These red flags can start small but grow over time. Ignoring them can lead to emotional harm or worse. Here are some red flags to watch for:
Controlling Behaviour
If someone tries to control who you see, what you wear, or how you spend your time, that’s a big warning sign.
Lack of Respect
Name-calling, mocking, or dismissing your feelings are signs of disrespect.
Jealousy and Possessiveness
Feeling jealous is normal sometimes, but constant jealousy or accusations can be unhealthy.
Dishonesty
Frequent lying or hiding things breaks trust and creates distance.
Ignoring Boundaries
If your partner doesn’t respect your limits or pressures you to do things you’re uncomfortable with, that’s a serious red flag.
Emotional or Physical Abuse
Any form of abuse is unacceptable. This includes yelling, threats, hitting, or manipulation.
Lack of Support
If your partner puts you down or doesn’t support your goals and dreams, the relationship may not be healthy.
Imagine a situation where your partner gets upset every time you hang out with friends or checks your phone without permission. These behaviours show control and lack of trust, which are harmful.
Knowing When to End the Relationship
Deciding to end a relationship is never easy, especially when feelings are involved. But sometimes, ending things is the healthiest choice for both people. Here are signs it might be time to move on:
You feel unhappy or anxious more often than happy.
Your partner ignores your feelings or boundaries repeatedly.
You experience disrespect, control, or abuse.
You’ve tried talking about problems, but nothing changes.
The relationship stops supporting your growth or well-being.
Ending a relationship doesn’t mean you failed. It means you value yourself enough to choose a healthier path.
How to End a Relationship with Kindness
Breaking up kindly helps both people heal and keeps respect intact. Here are some tips for ending a relationship with care:
Be Honest but Gentle
Explain your feelings clearly without blaming or attacking. Use “I” statements like “I feel...” instead of “You always...”.
Choose the Right Time and Place
Find a private, calm setting where you can talk without interruptions.
Listen to Their Feelings
Allow your partner to share their thoughts. You don’t have to agree, but listening shows respect.
Avoid Mixed Messages
Be clear that the relationship is ending to avoid confusion.
Take Care of Yourself
Ending a relationship can be emotional. Reach out to friends, family, or a counsellor for support.
For example, you might say, “I’ve thought a lot about us, and I feel like we want different things. I care about you, but I think it’s best if we go our separate ways.” This approach is honest and kind.
Moving Forward After a Relationship Ends
After a breakup, give yourself time to heal. Focus on your interests, spend time with people who support you, and reflect on what you’ve learned. Remember, every relationship teaches us something valuable.
If you notice red flags in future relationships, trust your feelings and act early. Healthy relationships are possible, and you deserve one that makes you feel safe and happy.
Relationships shape much of our lives, especially when we’re young. Knowing what to look for and how to handle challenges helps you build connections that support your well-being. Keep kindness and respect at the centre, both for others and yourself.
Take care of your heart, and don’t be afraid to walk away when something doesn’t feel right. Your future self will thank you.
Reach out if you need to talk about relationships. We're here to help.
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